Toxic Positivity

 

gratitude - the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness

 

27-32 years old is a weird age. You’re old, but you don’t feel old enough yet. You start handling a ton of responsibilities at home, and where you work. People around you expect more from you, and you expect more from life. Most people get married, the ones who get married are on to producing babies (sorry for nor using a more delicate verb), and all others are being asked about marriage timelines (give us a break for the love of God). At job, someone is worried about their profile and someone else is wondering how he/she gets an 8% increase every year while the newly joined colleague got a 40% hike on his last payout. Someone wants a bigger house, and someone wants to move to a house closer to town. Our wants are really limitless.

 

I was talking to a friend some time back, who was really having a hard time in life. He told me how tough his situation had been, not in a way that he sounded complaining, but more of expressing what he was going through. He told me – “I am trying to be happy, and you should try to be happy too”. Key word not note – TRY.

 

This conversation was very different from a lot of other people that we usually talk to. When you talk to people, more often than not you will know something new that sucks in their life - and the things that bother them usually overshadow everything great that exists. Our life is a package of family, friends, wealth, society, professional life and health. A deficiency in just one of these things is nowadays enough to put us down. If you are 30 and still not earning your wish list’s INR25 lac p.a. package, you are perhaps constantly bothered by this aspect. You would crib to your friends and family about it. Crib about it even with people who are making it happen in INR10 lac p.a.. This constant complaining doesn’t help you by letting it out, it makes you even bitter. To top it all, some replies with “You should be earning INR30 lacs”.

It’s great to have ambitions, to dream big and make it large in life. But it is also important to be grateful, to have gratitude and appreciate what you have in life. You’d be 32 and single, but it’s still a better place from your last toxic relationship. You feel you earn less, but it’s still more than your last job because I am sure you switched for that 40% hike. The life you live might actually be someone’s dream life. You don’t need what others have, you perhaps just need to do better than that what you used to.

 

I was watching a clip from a popular TV chat show where Manoj Bajpayee was the guest. He said that during his struggle phase of career, he had thought to himself that he will buy a lot of cold-drinks (soft drinks) when he earns well for himself. Once he was doing fine and had a steady flow of income, he actually started having a lot of cold-drinks and put on a lot of weight in year!! It’s an example of how simple dreams could be. I am sure this wasn’t his only dream, but however silly it was, it did make him happy.    

 

In our times, trying to cheer up people when they are struggling can be branded as insensitive. There’s a term for it.  

toxic positivity - toxic positivity is the belief that no matter how dire or difficult a situation is, people should maintain a positive mindset

 

I am not sure if this blog post is toxic positivity, but even it is, I do not care. I am trying to be happy. Sometimes, happiness is a state, sometimes it is a choice.

 

Yours bitterly,

Ashish M.