A Bitter Movie Review: K2H2

The first shot of the movie is Rahul looking at the burning funeral pyre of his deceased wife, Tina. As he is looking at the burning pyre, he is reminiscing some of the important moments in his relationship with Tina – how they met, their marriage, him kissing on her neck, her pregnancy and eventual death. Tina had a complicated pregnancy. As popular in the movies from those ages, the doctors could only choose between saving the child or the mother. The movie fast forwards and we are introduced to Rahul and Tina’s daughter – Anjali (referred as “baby Anjali” hereinafter). Baby Anjali says her hobbies are eating chocolates, slapping boys and watching reality TV – I hope her future boyfriends saw these as red flags.

While on her death bed, Tina had written eight letters for baby Anjali, to be read every year on her birthday, until her 8^th birthday. Our adorable, semi-toxic and boy-slapping baby Anjali was reading/being read out letters in her ages 1 and 2 as well, apparently. The creators burnt logic as well on Tina’s funeral pyre. Anyway, baby Anjali gets this letter on her 8^th birthday, which introduces her to Rahul and Tina’s college days. The college scene starts with a basketball match between Rahul and another character – Anjali, who is Rahul’s best friend. Rahul is beaten by Anjali in almost all of his games, and after watching this movie, most desi parents forced their kids to give up basketball. Rahul is the biggest simp in his college, and wears a steel chain with “cool” written on it. He ties friendship bands to girls, hugs them and thinks they’re impressed. Anjali is a tomboy, but has cute bangs. Btw girls, how could you allow bangs to go out of style? Without me being too obvious about my preferences, let’s move on.

Tina enters the lives of Rahul and Anjali. Tina, apparently, used to study in Oxford University but decided to move to Mumbai university for final year of her college. This is the single biggest downgrade known to mankind, ever. Little does she know that she would be paying as much in exam revaluation fees, as Oxford charges for an entire course. Tina is so hot, that the entire college walks behind her creepily. Once during their English class, Miss. Braganza, who speaks in a weird seductive tone, asks “what is love”? Only Rahul could answer this very tough question, and his answer impresses both Tina and Anjali. I have been answering questions in classrooms all my life, I wonder where I went wrong. Anyway, keeping my personal issues aside, Rahul expresses his love to Tina and Anjali is heartbroken. Anjali cries and says, “My first love is incomplete”, and leaves town. Cheer up Anjali, most of the times, first love is not the last one. Worst part is Anjali skipped last semester of her college in this depression. Big career mistake.  

Anyway, Tina dies and Rahul is all alone. He doesn’t want to marry again and keeps saying “We live once, we die once, we fall in love once and we marry only once, too”. However, I just think that this was a façade because Rahul’s tricks had become old. Come on, he was trying to impress girls by tying a friendship band and saying “squeeze me” instead of “excuse me” which made him sound like a pervert. Also, Rahul is always going around everywhere in an oversized blazer which hardly helps. Moving on, baby Anjali is able to trace down Anjali (who did not graduate) to a summer camp (remember the career mistake?). Anjali is not a tom-boy anymore. She only wears sarees now, even when she has to play basketball. For some inexplicable reasons, the camera more often than not focuses around Anjali’s waists after she starts wearing sarees. There’s a plot twist – Anjali is already engaged to Aman. She doesn’t love Aman, but is making a “compromise” because it’s an Indian society and everyone SHOULD marry.

To make it worse for Anjali, who already had a miserable life, she bumps into Rahul at the summer camp. Sparks fly right away. Had to, our simp Rahul was lonely from eight years. This starts some intense cheesy flirting in a camp full of at least 50 kids. Rahul is in love with Anjali and Anjali’s love for Rahul never died. However, they both are unable to express. Enter Aman in the summer camp, who had become restless without Anjali around. Anjali, frustrated at Rahul not expressing his love, leaves the camp in a rush with Aman. Anjali’s heart is broken again, and she decides to prepone her wedding with Aman. Poor Aman, he is just being used as a rebound by Anjali in the entire movie.

Baby Anjali still does not give up easily. Rahul and family arrive at Anjali’s home and realize it’s her wedding day. Everyone cries, cries and cries, and there is a lot of yapping going on. I fast-forwarded the end part, because the pain was unbearable after watching this movie for three hours. Aman realizes that Anjali and Rahul love each other, and happily tells Anjali to choose Rahul. Anjali puts the palm of her hand on Aman’s face, and is delighted. There’s just too many scenes in this movie where someone is placing the palm of their hand on someone’s face. Weird!

Rahul and Anjali marry, and there’s the proverbial ‘happily ever after moment”. Aman is an actual good guy, and like all good guys, he ends up last too. He just tries to keep himself happy by repeating what baby Anjali tells him – ‘Tumhe toh koi bhi ladki mil jaaygi’ (you will get any girl). Trust me guys, this line is always a trap.

That’s it. I need to see a therapist.

 

Yours bitterly,

Ashish M.