Shallow Answers to Tough Questions

Q) Expand – (a+b)ⁿ

Solution:  (a    +      b)ⁿ

               = ( a             +                b  )ⁿ

              = (   a                  +                   b  )ⁿ   (Final answer)

 

Here’s the thing about the above answer - while it looks to be right, we all know it wasn’t supposed to go this way. My nerd experience tells me that whenever a question looks very easy, it is a trap. If answers are obvious, math questions wouldn’t be called “problems”.

Last week, we lost Sushant Singh Rajput (SSR), a rising star of Indian cinema. Preliminary investigation has revealed suicide; perhaps more details would come out soon. The event left the entire nation shocked, and everyone was searching for answers, as to what could drive a person to that step. What was actually going in that person’s head, who was full of potential and also so successful? Tributes started pouring in, and people started paying him respect in the most meaningful way of our times – putting Whatsapp and Instagram stories.

Suddenly, the social media is bombarded with posts on mental health. Suddenly, everyone is aware, that people who commit suicides are in a dark place of their own. Suddenly, they realize that people can sometimes get bullied even in Bollywood. A lightning strikes their heads, and they realize that Bollywood is plagued with nepotism.

Since the general intelligence quotient here is so high, people did start finding answers to all the questions. They found a clip where SRK was joking with SSR in an award show and immediately identified that it was bullying. They found a clip where Alia Bhatt was playing marry, hook up and kill (Alia chose the last option for SSR), and immediately decided that she had disrespected him. When SRK dropped a condolence message on his Twitter feed, someone called him out as arrogant. While the question was difficult, people did find all the simple answers. They connected some dots, and found a ‘group’ of people (famous directors/producers, star kids, etc.) on whom the entire blame could be placed upon. While some of these folks might be part of the problem, they aren’t the problem themselves.

nepotism - the practice among those with power or influence of favouring relatives or friends, especially by giving them jobs

Why are people even surprised by nepotism? It’s not just Bollywood, it is present everywhere. Politicians, corporate moguls, people at higher levels of management in organizations, or basically anyone who can assert an influence is often exercising it (not all of them, but a lot of them). It’s not a Bollywood problem, it’s a social problem. However, you can still choose to blame it all on one person or a group of person and close your eyes to a social issue. Easier answer, right?

I am surprised people are talking about bullying as if it’s just a Bollywood problem. Some of you would have a friend who would tell you about his or her toxic work environment or a workplace bully. A recent study concluded that 75% people become victims of workplace bullying, at some point in their life. 

I saw a lot of posts with people saying “talk to me”. Just because you posted “talk to me”, a person feeling low would not come and start talking to you. You need to look out for people who are close to you. You need to identify someone who might be vulnerable. It may be someone who might be having a difficult time professionally or as a friend suggested, someone who stays alone without a family. It may be someone, who has just had some kind of setback in life. Sometimes, you might get a hint of how they feel through their social media activity. We need to realize that things have become digital and people have become bad at actual conversations. If they feel low, they might just remove their WhatsApp profile pictures, or put a depressed sounding status update on Facebook. All of this but they still might not open up on their own. Look out for the signs and vulnerabilities and watch out for them. With 1.3 lac suicides in India in 2018 alone, I am sure we have a lot to understand on the problem, rather than pointing fingers at a person or a group of people like the twitter user below.

 And if you ever feel low, “talk to me”.

Yours bitterly,

Ashish M. 

(Click on the image to zoom) 

References- 

Did you know 75% of employees are victims of workplace bullying?

10k student suicides in ’18, highest in 10 yrs

Uninstalling Logic…..

logic - reasoning conducted or assessed according to strict principles of validity

Most of us have been restricted to our homes for the last few months now. We’ve tried to keep ourselves busy, and have been hugely successful in doing so. Ludo is now a national obsession, and it might soon replace nation’s favorite game – cricket (Ludo Premier League, just imagine!). We had a pandemic to fight, so we decided our priorities well and displayed unprecedented national strength. We single handedly brought down ratings of a Chinese app from 4+ stars to around 1 star on Playstore. This was a big statement we made globally, to everyone who had doubts on our resolve when we could not resist alcohol queues.

However, in spite of the astounding achievement, we are not the ones to rest on our laurels. There’s a new fad in town, and its grabbing eyeballs. There’s huge participation, and people are completing the act with flying colours. I am looking forward to get involved as well, and experience a new high in life. But like all the important decisions of my life, this comes with a huge dilemma as well.

The exciting movement I am talking about is boycotting Chinese goods and uninstalling Chinese apps. Let me share my dilemmas here –

1. I plan to uninstall all Chinese apps from my phone. However, my dilemma starts after that. My phone is a Chinese brand. I’ve used American, Taiwanese and Japanese phones. The brand I use used to be American, but a Chinese corporation brought it. The Chinese brand was the best in performance, and offered a great value to the price. Who cares, this phone is going to the bin.
2. I am straight up ordering a new phone from a popular American brand (hint – Its named after a fruit, and its not banana). Some research and it struck me that this brand assembles its phones in China. Who cares, I am going to buy it anyways. I am allowed to be a hypocrite sometimes.
3. I look around the house to bin more goods. My parents are watching Ramayan on TV (Chinese brand, again). I am going to bin that TV, and would suggest my parents to read the book instead. I would not be able to buy a new TV from a Korean brand for some time now, because I will have no money left after buying the (fruit) phone. The TV has some Chinese equipment and was probably assembled in China, but who cares, I am allowed to be a hypocrite sometimes.
4. I keep looking around and I see my laptop. American brand, phew! The backside however, says “Made in China”. Did a fact check and found that this is the case with most computing brands. Not going to use a computer/laptop anytime soon. Can’t be a hypocrite all the time. Setting up a pakoda shop soon.

Here’s the obvious truth. We live in a globalized world, and things are not that simple to segregate. A mobile phone corporation from US, would set up its factory in China, would have the R&D work done in Japan and software solution developed in India. Boycott of goods that we are talking about is impractical, if not impossible. We do not have the capabilities to produce everything we need at this moment, and it would take years to develop those capabilities, even if we wanted to. What next, we would buy goods from some other country, which would be more expensive and would leave us with lesser money.

A friend of mine said, “You can take a person out of China, but not China out of a person.” While this was said as a joke, it’s the bitter truth.

Hope you have a great week ahead. There would be lot of work related calls lined up I’m sure, on Zoom – a US based corporation set up by a Chinese immigrant. It relies considerably on its R&D team set up in China and Chinese equipments. Hope the app is still there. If not, hope that job is still there.

 

Yours bitterly,

Ashish

A Bitter Movie Review - DDLJ

The initial part of the story is set in London, when immigration was easier to the UK. The first line of the movie is: This is London, the world’s biggest city.

This line really sets the tone of the movie straight. Like bro, London isn’t even in the top 10 in terms of land area. Not even in terms of population. Commendable research.  

Simran’s dad (Chaudhry Baldev Singh – CBS) owns a super market. He owns London real estate, like literally, but still claims that he is just making ends meet. He absolutely doesn’t believe in women’s rights. He finalizes his daughter’s marriage around the time she was born, and doesn’t believe she has a say in it. His wife is always scared of him, too.  In conclusion, you can’t claim to be a feminist and enjoy this movie at the same time.

For a girl living in the world’s biggest city, Simran does not seem to have much ambition, except that she writes songs about an imaginary guy in her diary. Her life seems to be all over when she comes to know that she is about to be married (where have I heard that before?). She meets Raj on a Euro trip, who is initially portrayed as a spoilt brat, and falls in love with him. If a guy really behaves like Raj in real life, I am sure he will be branded as a creep. However, his creepiness looks romantic here. Simran is oozing Indian sanskaars in the movie. In one of the scenes, she tells Raj – “Ladki ke saamne sharaab peete hue sharam nhi aati?” (aren’t you embarassed to consume alcohol in front of a woman?). Later in the movie, Raj transforms and develops an incredible lot of sanskaar too.

CBS comes to know about her daughter’s love affair and would have honour killed her, if he wasn’t in London. Instead, he sells off everything, even his London real estate, and decides to move back to India immediately. With all the money, he is still travelling back to his ancestral home in the sleeper coach of Indian rail. Raj develops some scheme and finds a way to Simran’s fiance’s (Kuldeep) home. If you were thinking Raj was bad, Kuldeep (K) seems to be worse. He is very fond of guns and hunting, and goes hunting every morning wearing a denim jacket. Characters in Bollywood movies anyways over dress a lot of times.

Raj is adamant that he will only marry Simran with her parents’ permission, since eloping with her would be against Indian culture. No one told him Lord Krishna had eloped with Rukmini. Krishna did this before it was cool. Instead, Raj tries to win over Simran’s family and within two weeks, he is mostly successful in impressing everyone. Here comes a twist. Just before Simran’s marriage to K, a photo of Raj and Simran flies straight from Simran’s room and directly on to the feet of CBS on the ground floor. He picks up the photo and comes to know about the affair. He calls Raj and slaps him multiple times. Raj decides to give up on Simran and leave Punjab the next day.

All lost, Raj is waiting at the station with his dad to catch a train next morning. Bad guy K turns up with a bunch of his friends, all having guns in their hands. They hold their guns just like a stick, and start hitting Raj and his dad. What an intelligent way of using guns! Anyways, Raj somehow manages to beat up around 8-10 men from a village in PUNJAB on his own (seriously?). Love is like Bournvita, it definitely makes you stronger.

Simran and her family arrive at the station to watch these guys fighting. However, the fight is over and the train arrives just on time. Raj boards the train and Simran wants to board it too. However, CBS grabs her hand tightly and won’t let her go. The train blows the whistle and starts moving slowly. Suddenly, CBS has a change of heart and decides to let her go (indecisive af). Simran starts running in her Indian traditional attire. She is actually running faster than the mail train. She could have boarded any coach, all coaches in an Indian mail train are connected. However, she still chooses to run to ‘that’ particular coach and show us all that she was good a good athlete. She finally caught hold of Raj’s hand, and without any accident, boarded the train. A happy ending, truly!

I remember, I’ve had a similar experience. On my way back to Mumbai once, I got down at Igatpuri station to buy wada pav (potato fritters coated in chick pea flour and served with a bun). The train actually didn’t blow the whistle (unlike the movie) and started moving. With wada pav in one hand, I ran like never before. Even with zero athletic ability, I was able to successfully board the train and could enjoy the wada pav at peace.

Moral of the story is – Indian trains make love stories possible. Why? Because our trains don’t have automatic doors. Manual doors are such a blessing.  

Stay safe everyone and please stay indoors.

Yours bitterly,

Ashish M.

2020 Corona Games

game - an activity that one engages in for amusement or fun

Lockdown Day 26,

Mumbai,

India

                 Day 26, but it seems months. We’re all holding up, for now. We will stay put, because of all creatures, humans are the best at adapting. Of course, we haven’t been that great to adapt to alternatives of plastic and fossil fuels for years, but who cares (no immediate threat, eh?). There will be a cure for this virus, eventually. In this battle, we will win – it is only a matter of when!

                While this cure comes along, it’s important for us to be engaged. It’s important that you find things to do so that you do not end up becoming Joaquin Phoenix’s “Joker” with your inmates. Brace yourselves, we have 2020 Corona Games! Participation in these games is not compulsory, but it will definitely make you look cooler! These games are inclusive - open for all, dumb or intelligent.

Here is a list of these games, for your convenience.

1.    Dalgona Coffee Challenge – One of the best things to come out of corona virus. We would’ve never known this form of coffee without the pandemic. The most difficult part here – the coffee milk is to be sourced from a unicorn. It is not a challenge in any other case.

2.  My spouse knows to cook challenge – Men, you never cared to upload an Instagram story when your mom cooked biryani, stop making a big deal out of the poha cooked by your wife. And women, just because your husband has learnt to boil water, stop drooling over it. Be a feminist and understand that men knowing to cook is an essential skill, it’s not an amazing talent. If he did not have this essential skill earlier, what does it say about your choices?

And for God’s sake guys, stop calling them ‘best husband/wife’ if you have been married just once in your life. You can’t be the best if you ran the race alone.

3.    Saree Challenge - “Thank you my fraand for challenging me. These are difficult times, so I will spread some positivity here. Let me upload my own picture in a saree with a copied caption.” Need a microscope to find a challenge here.

Jokes apart, shame on men, actually. We need to spread our own version of positivity. We need a boxer shorts challenge – that’s how we attend our video meetings.

4.    Facebook third party apps – They would gain ‘authorised access’ to your profile and tell you what your good and bad qualities are. Introspection is difficult anyways.  

5.   Ludo Screenshots – Tag your friends and celebrate your victory. Thanks for sharing - everyone in your friend list really cared to know about the result.

            Let’s look forward to more challenges. Who knows how long we would be in this strange situation. Take care of your mental health, and of people around you. Stay connected - keep making those video calls with your loved ones and please upload the screenshots everywhere.

Try to be positive, or not?

Yours bitterly,

Ashish M.

P.S. – Thanks to my classmate Rahul for sharing his frustration about one of these games and inspiring this post. Keep your suggestions flowing, folks!

Long Time, No See

Long time, no see – an expression used as a greeting by people who have not seen each other for a while

That’s what we would be saying when we’d meet people after all this is over. It’s been a week and most of us haven’t been out much. I think soon I’d have to wash my hands off my morning walk as well. We have been sentenced to imprisonment by nature. We’ve violated the basic laws and here we are, fighting for our existence against a matter that is not even visible to us. Isn’t it mental that of all the creatures, this virus (COVID-19) seems to be affecting only us.

This situation needs a reaction. A small portion of us are giving a reaction. We even have our Indian “Lala Companies” giving work from home, whereas earlier they rarely allowed people to go to their homes. However, there are lot of people among us who are either overreacting or underreacting. Here are some of them on the top of my mind.

Over-reactions:

1. Stocking up on toilet roll – There will be water. NRIs, do your thing and tell the West, unless you’re embarrassed by us!
2. Non-vegetarians have stopped eating chicken. Chill guys, just avoid bats.
3. Graduates from WhatsApp Academy of Corona Virus Research, one of our reputed institutions. Stop bombarding us with all those do’s, dont’s, news and videos. My dad thinks all of them are true and I have a difficult time explaining. 
4. Handwashing videos. We need videos for even the most basic things now. Wow!
5. Stock markets – This is personal. 

Under-reactions:

1. Gau mutra is the answer. Someone please tell this to the Italians.
2. People unable to keep their ‘wanderlust’ in check.
3. Colleges still insisting on 75% attendance.
4. People with Corona symptoms deciding to throw parties.
5. Folks who still bite their nails when they are nervous.
6. The girl who licked a toilet seat on an airplane and called it “the Corona Challenge*”. In case you did not know, you’ll find this online. We are going to need a special virus that goes after stupid people soon.

Elsewhere, animals are happy. The air is more breathable. Tourist spots are cleaner. There’s less congestion. Me - I haven’t used deodorant for a week. No hair cream either, just coconut oil. Almost no outside food. I had INR100 at the beginning of the week in my wallet, still got 50 left! Things are scary, but sustainable as well, now that nature has sent us back to our caves.

Hopefully, we’re out of this soon. Let’s hope that the punishment meted out on us has a corrective impact, and we learn to respect our boundaries. Let’s not become fathers of mother nature. Stay safe and see you soon!

Yours bitterly,

Ashish M.

(* - please don’t try this, only for experts)