The first shot of the movie is Rahul looking at the burning funeral pyre of his deceased wife, Tina. As he is looking at the burning pyre, he is reminiscing some of the important moments in his relationship with Tina – how they met, their marriage, him kissing on her neck, her pregnancy and eventual death. Tina had a complicated pregnancy. As popular in the movies from those ages, the doctors could only choose between saving the child or the mother. The movie fast forwards and we are introduced to Rahul and Tina’s daughter – Anjali (referred as “baby Anjali” hereinafter). Baby Anjali says her hobbies are eating chocolates, slapping boys and watching reality TV – I hope her future boyfriends saw these as red flags.
While on her death bed, Tina had
written eight letters for baby Anjali, to be read every year on her birthday,
until her 8th birthday. Our adorable, semi-toxic and boy-slapping
baby Anjali was reading/being read out letters in her ages 1 and 2 as well,
apparently. The creators burnt logic as well on Tina’s funeral pyre. Anyway,
baby Anjali gets this letter on her 8th birthday, which introduces her
to Rahul and Tina’s college days. The college scene starts with a basketball
match between Rahul and another character – Anjali, who is Rahul’s best friend.
Rahul is beaten by Anjali in almost all of his games, and after watching this
movie, most desi parents forced their kids to give up basketball. Rahul is the
biggest simp in his college, and wears a steel chain with “cool” written on it.
He ties friendship bands to girls, hugs them and thinks they’re impressed. Anjali
is a tomboy, but has cute bangs. Btw girls, how could you allow bangs to go out
of style? Without me being too obvious about my preferences, let’s move on.
Tina enters the lives of Rahul
and Anjali. Tina, apparently, used to study in Oxford University but decided to
move to Mumbai university for final year of her college. This is the single
biggest downgrade known to mankind, ever. Little does she know that she would
be paying as much in exam revaluation fees, as Oxford charges for an entire
course. Tina is so hot, that the entire college walks behind her creepily. Once
during their English class, Miss. Braganza, who speaks in a weird seductive tone,
asks “what is love”? Only Rahul could answer this very tough question, and his
answer impresses both Tina and Anjali. I have been answering questions in
classrooms all my life, I wonder where I went wrong. Anyway, keeping my
personal issues aside, Rahul expresses his love to Tina and Anjali is
heartbroken. Anjali cries and says, “My first love is incomplete”, and leaves
town. Cheer up Anjali, most of the times, first love is not the last one. Worst
part is Anjali skipped last semester of her college in this depression. Big
career mistake.
Anyway, Tina dies and Rahul is
all alone. He doesn’t want to marry again and keeps saying “We live once, we
die once, we fall in love once and we marry only once, too”. However, I just
think that this was a façade because Rahul’s tricks had become old. Come on, he
was trying to impress girls by tying a friendship band and saying “squeeze me”
instead of “excuse me” which made him sound like a pervert. Also, Rahul is
always going around everywhere in an oversized blazer which hardly helps. Moving
on, baby Anjali is able to trace down Anjali (who did not graduate) to a summer
camp (remember the career mistake?). Anjali is not a tom-boy anymore. She only
wears sarees now, even when she has to play basketball. For some inexplicable
reasons, the camera more often than not focuses around Anjali’s waists after
she starts wearing sarees. There’s a plot twist – Anjali is already engaged to
Aman. She doesn’t love Aman, but is making a “compromise” because it’s an
Indian society and everyone SHOULD marry.
To make it worse for Anjali, who
already had a miserable life, she bumps into Rahul at the summer camp. Sparks
fly right away. Had to, our simp Rahul was lonely from eight years. This starts
some intense cheesy flirting in a camp full of at least 50 kids. Rahul is in
love with Anjali and Anjali’s love for Rahul never died. However, they both are
unable to express. Enter Aman in the summer camp, who had become restless
without Anjali around. Anjali, frustrated at Rahul not expressing his love,
leaves the camp in a rush with Aman. Anjali’s heart is broken again, and she
decides to prepone her wedding with Aman. Poor Aman, he is just being used as a
rebound by Anjali in the entire movie.
Baby Anjali still does not give
up easily. Rahul and family arrive at Anjali’s home and realize it’s her wedding
day. Everyone cries, cries and cries, and there is a lot of yapping going on. I
fast-forwarded the end part, because the pain was unbearable after watching
this movie for three hours. Aman realizes that Anjali and Rahul love each other,
and happily tells Anjali to choose Rahul. Anjali puts the palm of her hand on
Aman’s face, and is delighted. There’s just too many scenes in this movie where
someone is placing the palm of their hand on someone’s face. Weird!
Rahul and Anjali marry, and there’s
the proverbial ‘happily ever after moment”. Aman is an actual good guy, and
like all good guys, he ends up last too. He just tries to keep himself happy by
repeating what baby Anjali tells him – ‘Tumhe
toh koi bhi ladki mil jaaygi’ (you will get any girl). Trust me guys, this
line is always a trap.
That’s it. I need to see a
therapist.
Yours bitterly,
Ashish M.
